What’s a life coach ever done for us anyway?
What’s a life coach ever done for us anyway? We give Jackie Walker a grilling.
Here at activagers we like to encourage people to take on new challenges and confront any issues they have in their lives. One way of doing this is by using a life coach or therapist and social media is full of people wishing us happy thoughts and spouting inspirational quotations. But what really happens when you work with a life coach?We caught up with one of the best - Jackie Walker - who has provided activagers with a number of interesting articles around relationships and self help. As we have faith in her abilities we gave her a real grilling and asked all the gritty questions we thought most potential customers would like to ask!
activagers: Most people keep well away from other people’s problems. What makes you want to take on other people’s problems as well as your own?
Jackie: I believe that sharing what you know works is the key to a happy life. I give away a lot of my knowledge freely in articles so that others can benefit from what I’ve learned and experienced firsthand. The key in my work lies in not taking on others’ problems but helping them find a way out of their own.
activagers: Surely you need to have a problem free life yourself to be able to tell other people how to live theirs?
Jackie: You’re assuming that not only do I have problems but that I tell others what to do! I have had a truck load of issues to deal with through my life and they are done and dusted. Having had them gives me much more compassion and understanding. I take great care to follow the ‘Physician heal thyself’ mantra and work with some great people to keep my own ‘stuff’ out of the way.
I have no idea when I’m working with a client what solution is going to be best for them - even two people with the same issue will have two very different solutions. After a lot of winkle picking and teasing out of the problem, it usually becomes obvious to the client what the answer is. The majority of time what they present as the problem is just white noise, albeit very real, it’s the underlying feelings around it that causes the angst.
activagers: If a problem shared is a problem halved, surely people with a problem can just discuss it with a friend? Why pay money for this?
Jackie: I say ‘a problem shared with friends or family is potential for a problem doubled’! There are many problems which people want to keep to themselves as it is too embarrassing, scary, humiliating, or shameful to discuss with friends or family. Often clients want to save their friends and family from worrying about them, or their situation.
While I’m working with a client they have my full, unbiased attention. They are able to be completely honest and very often they tell me things they haven’t even admitted to themselves, let alone others.
As much of my work is done on the phone, clients are offered a degree of anonymity and they are able to let their guard down. It’s much easier to cry when you feel you aren’t being watched or judged.
Those connected to you will always have their own agenda and opinion on what you should do. I was referred the other day by someone who had got exasperated as her friend ‘won’t listen to what I say she should do’.
Regarding paying money. What are the alternatives - maybe taking pills for stress, not focusing or being signed off work, a deteriorating relationship or hitting the bottle? Each of these ends up costing more - not all costs are financial.
activagers: You claim to offer peace of mind and that people can phone you whenever they need to. Can you really achieve this and can people really call you whenever they like?
Jackie: More or less, yes! I recognised that when people are in a crisis situation, they are usually unable to control when it’s going to be. Not many folk who phone want an appointment a week on Tuesday at 10am because they know that they’re going to have a terrible day. I believe that the earlier help is available, the less the knock on effects will be.
I keep emergency appointments at the beginning and end of each day.
What constitutes peace of mind for me will be different for you. As such, each client knows what their peace of mind will be like and that’s what we aim to achieve together.
activagers: A lot of self-help advice seems to revolve around being optimistic and happy even in the face of adversity. Doesn’t this mean that lots of people fail to stay optimistic and get upset about this in a similar way to people on diets who will eat the wrong things after falling off the wagon?
Jackie: Someone wrote on my Facebook wall that there is no negative only positive. My response was that he was talking a load of baloney. There’s loads of negative out there, it will remain negative until such time as you are able to find what lesson you had to learn from it in order to let it go and for you to see it as a positive.
The one thing I’ve learned is that you can’t have a bath once and stay clean forever. Just because you’ve faced and dealt with one issue, doesn’t mean to say that another won’t appear. I teach my clients skills and tactics which help them through any other adversity, it becomes part of their daily routine.
And yes, folk might eat the wrong thing today and feel guilty about it. Knowing the reason and intention of what you want - in my case peace of mind, keeps me focused. When I trip up, and trust me I do, I notice what I did, recognise what stopped working, and I start to do what works again. It’s never too late to get back on track.
activagers: You offer counselling, therapy and coaching. What is the difference between these?
Jackie: Truthfully, I offer these things as labels which folk understand. When I’m working I work with the person and use whatever it takes to get them where they want to go. But to answer your question - the basic difference between the three is best described from the world of decorating!
Imagine you want to change the decor in one of your rooms. You want a wall (aka your situation) to be a different colour. First of all, you would strip off the wallpaper (counselling); then you would repair the cracks and holes (therapy), and then you would repaper and paint (coaching).
Of course, it might be that you could just put up new paper on top of the existing. Or you may choose to just paint. These are fine as long as you are aware of how many layers of paper are already hanging and that there are no cracks showing through which need to be paid attention to.
activagers: Are we becoming similar to the US where people seem to go and see their ‘therapist’ whenever they have a problem?
Jackie: I think that society has changed; friends and family are split up to such a degree that the nucleus which used to provide the support has disappeared. Few would consider talking to their minister. GPs are unable to offer time to listen.
My aim with clients is to make them self sufficient. I will not have done my job properly if I see the same person for every problem they might have. I do encourage top-up/review sessions every so often to help keep them on track. That way, they are sure that problems aren’t building up in the background ready to knock them off kilter.
http://jackiewalker.me/
